Have you got bow legs or wing back?

26-06-2013 16:06 (0 comments)

If you have either, it may be time to change your sofa.
We had been planning to redecorate for months so we launched into the project over the bank holiday weekend with as much energy as we could muster. Having pondered over colours that matched furniture, curtains and the cat, we bought more paint and rollers than you could throw a stick at.
We had every Dulux product except the dog. ‘Easy to use’ this and ‘easy clean’ that – even bought a Dulux Paint Pad Compact – A sort of ‘squirt and go’ -  a bit like shake and vac with paint. The roller was so life-like, it rolled like a sheepdog-on-a-stick.
Pretending that we were keen and willing, we pitched in with the passion of a formation Salsa team. (The dance, not the dip).
Even after a twelve-hour stint on day one, determined to finish the first coat, it was clear that, within the decorating process, we had been using muscles that had been unused since the last decorating venture. (Let’s not talk about how long ago that was).  It was clear that we were seizing up and could hardly move.
After three days of hard labour, as we stood back and admired our handiwork, and then we realised that the three piece leather sofas didn’t really match the paint colour. Well, come on, there does have to be sofa reference in here somewhere, doesn’t there? - The dried colour is never what it says on the tin. Perhaps we should have bought Ronseal.
By a strange coincidence, some friends decided they would also use the Bank Holiday to decorate their house. They agreed that they had also used redundant muscles in this exercise so we compared our muscular ailments.
We’ve all heard of ‘Tennis Elbow and ‘Housemaid’s Knee’ but they had been using a steam machine equivalent to Stephenson’s rocket on their walls and claimed they had contracted ‘Stripper’s Arm’.  We settled for ‘Wing Back’ and ‘Bow Legs’; well known muscular conditions.
Oh, well, at least we can now replace our creaking leather sofa, or three.

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